As an educator, sometimes I think students believe that I'm a fly on the wall. They think that because I'm not a student, and I don't situate myself in their groups of friends at lunch, that I don't know what is going on with them socially. Students forget that teachers see and hear a lot of the things that they talk about, and I have to say, those that say bullying is a thing of the past is completely wrong. Bullying still exists in schools, even though I wish it didn't. With social media and Instagram so prevalent in the lives of teenagers, it exists for students even when they leave this building. In fact, it exists even worse online with the anonymity attached to commenting, you don't have to look in someone's eyes to hurt them, which makes it much easier. The only way to stop bullying is to actually do something about it. I'm here to introduce ways that you can be an ally, rather than a bystander, and ways that you can help someone that is being picked on at school. One of the things I hear the most after I speak to students about bullying is that they didn't do it themselves. I understand that it feels as though you didn't do anything wrong when you weren't technically the one making fun of someone, but standing by and doing nothing is being an accomplice to this kind of behaviour. I know as a teenager it's hard to stand up to your friends, and it is hard to be the one that will say to others, "it's time for this to stop." One way that you can do this is by quickly and simply stating that you do not approve, and you don't have to say it in a formal teacher-y way either! A simple, "this isn't cool, guys" or a "wow, that was really mean" is sometimes enough to make a bully reflect on the things they are doing. I'm not asking you to be the one in the teen comedy that stands up in front of the whole school and saves the day. I am asking you, however, to be the one that disapproves of this kind of nonsense, and to say it out loud for others to hear. Students sometimes underestimate the power of kindness. I hear it all the time, that sometimes they feel like their actions don't truly matter. An incredible thing for someone to do when they see someone being picked on is to become a confidant, or an ally, to this person. We saw this when we read Egghead this year by Caroline Pignat. Will was being bullied so horribly by a multitude of characters in this novel, but it didn't seem so bad for him because he did have one incredible friend, Katie, who stood up for him when he needed her. Sometimes it only takes one. One person to be kind, one person to be on your side, or even one person to just ask you, "hey, I can see you're struggling, are you okay?" There are many news stories that come up about one action of one kind stranger that made a difference in someone's life. You truly have no idea what struggles someone is facing, and even a smile to them on a tough day can make a world of difference. I know from my own experiences that one small action can make a world of difference. If I'm having a bad day, or struggling in my life, a simple cup of tea, or a smile, or a "you're doing a great job," is usually enough to turn things around even in the smallest way. One of the last things that I want to discuss with you is the power of reactions. I try to remind myself that the way that I react to something will completely determine the outcome. If something bad happens to me, how I react to it completely determines how much it will impact me. The same can be said for those who bully. Bullies, or those that pick on others, often have a deep seeded emotional issue they may be struggling with themselves. Maybe they feel that they won't have friends unless they make others laugh? Maybe they're dealing with something tough at home, like Shane was in Egghead? Maybe they lack confidence? What a bully really wants is for you to see them, and for you react to them and give them power over that situation. When you refuse to react, you take that power away. So the next time that someone does something to de-rail the class, or does something inappropriate to make you laugh, think about the way that you react to that situation. Is your laughter at someone else's expense (including your teacher? or someone that isn't your friend?) If it is, is there a way for you to say, "hey let's talk about this later," or "now's not the time?" You have so much power, and so few of you realize this. I want my students to look back on their lives in middle school and high school and feel proud of the things they accomplished and proud of the people they grew to be from their experiences. As an adult, when I reflect on my time in elementary school and high school, I do feel proud of the way I conducted myself around others. I feel I was a friend to many. I will tell you though, I still remember the times that I wasn't inclusive to others, or the times that I was maybe a little mean, and as an adult who cares about the feelings of others immensely, I feel a lot of shame over this. If you take one thing out of this argument, let it be this: in a world where you can be anything, be kind.
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AuthorHi! I'm Mrs. MP and I teach grade seven English! I'm so excited for you to learn along with me Archives
January 2022
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